Setting Boundaries: How Saying Yes to Saying No Boosts Your Wellbeing, Confidence, and Empowerment

Sarah J Naylor
Sep 16
7 min read

Updated: Oct 4

Sarah J Naylor relaxed and smiling, symbolising empowerment, self-confidence, and the freedom that comes from setting healthy boundaries.

Setting Boundaries: How Saying Yes to Saying No Boosts Your Wellbeing, Confidence, and Empowerment

Loved talking about this very topic with Ed Smith on the BBC Radio Norfolk Daytime Show this morning!

We dived into a whole host of angles around saying no, and while we didn’t cover absolutely everything, it got me thinking, why does saying no feel so awkward in the first place, and how can we flip that energy to our advantage?

Why Saying No Feels Awkward

Let’s start with the basics: conditioning and societal pressure.

From childhood, we’re taught to please, “Share your toys,” “don’t upset others,” “be polite,” “don’t disappoint.”

Fast-forward a few decades, and as adults we’re bombarded with subtle (and not-so-subtle) messaging: say yes and you’re friendly, cooperative, agreeable; say no and suddenly you’re “rude,” “selfish,” or “difficult.”

This isn’t just a nice idea in theory, it becomes a hardwired habit loop as patterns of behaviour formulate and become second nature.

We think: If I say yes, I’m liked. If I say no, I might be rejected. Add in work cultures that glorify being “always on” and the social-media-driven FOMO of modern life, and voilà -your natural boundaries get pushed to the brink, often leading to stress and burnout.

And then there’s fear.

Fear of rejection, fear of conflict. Saying no can trigger a full-on internal alarm: “Will they dislike me? Will they be angry?” Our brains, the amygdala in particular, don’t mess around here. Shoulders tense, stomach churns, thoughts race. Not exactly a recipe for wellbeing.

But here’s the golden nugget: their reaction says more about them than it does about you. If your no is rooted in self-respect and protecting your mental health, then it’s valid, and must be respected.

The awkwardness often comes from anticipating someone else’s reaction, rather than the act itself.

Here’s a little energy hack: if you notice you’re projecting your fear onto them, sensing, “They’ll be upset, I know it”, you’re literally transferring your tension to them.

Pause, ground yourself, and say no in a confident, self-assured way, the whole dynamic magically changes.

Then there’s people-pleasing and self-perception.

Many of us struggle to say no because we want to be seen as reliable, kind, helpful. Ironically, saying yes all the time doesn’t make anyone happy, least of all you. Resentment builds, energy drains, and the very people you’re trying to help may end up getting less of you than they would if you were honest about your limits.

From a holistic perspective, every yes we give when we really mean no is an energy misalignment. Over time, that misalignment can manifest as stress, fatigue, tension in the body, and even in physical symptoms too.

Holistic practices like Reiki, EFT, shamanic clearing, guided meditation, or NLP reframing can help release these blockages, strengthen internal boundaries, and build confidence to say no without guilt. I know this personally as I've embraced and benefitted from many of these therapies over the last 20 years. They have helped me transform my life.

At the heart of it though, saying no isn’t about being difficult, it’s about being true to yourself. Consistently saying yes when you don’t want to:

Doesn’t help the other person - they may start assuming your time and energy are unlimited.
Doesn’t help you - it leads to exhaustion, resentment, and diminished effectiveness.

Boundaries, then, are not just acts of self-respect, they’re acts of respect for others too. Clear, honest, compassionate boundaries allow you to show up fully, rather than in a distracted, drained, half-engaged way.

The Benefits of Saying No: Boundaries as Self-Preservation

Here’s the truth: every time you say yes to something that doesn’t truly serve you, you’re not just giving away your time - you’re giving away your energy, your focus, and, frankly, a little bit of your sanity.

Saying no isn’t rude or difficult; it’s a superpower. A boundary is less about pushing people away and more about pulling yourself toward what actually matters.

Protect Your Time & Energy

Time is finite. Every yes you hand over to something you don’t really want or can’t fully commit to is a yes taken from your own priorities.

Take a recent personal example: I’d been interested in a learning package that sounded brilliant. The info came through, and I realised that it wasn't quite the right fit for me at that moment in time. If I’d said yes out of obligation, fear, or FOMO, I would’ve spread myself too thin and ended up not fully benefiting from it anyway. Saying no allowed me to preserve focus, respect my commitments, and actually show up fully for the things that mattered most.

Boundaries aren’t about rejection, they’re about intelligent allocation of your resources. Time and energy are yours first and foremost.

Clarity and Focus

Boundaries aren’t just about refusal, they’re about intention. Saying no helps you see clearly what really matters and where your energy should go.

When we say yes indiscriminately, attention gets scattered. Tasks, opportunities, social engagements, they all blur into a stressful, half-hearted whirlwind. But when you start practising the art of no, suddenly you can prioritise with laser focus. You’re not just saying no to things that don’t fit, you’re saying yes to your growth, your joy, your wellbeing.

Reduce Stress & Guilt

People-pleasing might feel “safe,” but it comes with a price: stress, mental clutter, exhaustion, and that nagging undercurrent of guilt.

Honouring your own needs first doesn’t mean you’re selfish - it’s an essential act of self-respect and personal empowerment.

Take my upcoming wedding (eek — yes, I’m getting married in October!) as an example: Gareth and I have chosen a very small, intimate ceremony, just the two of us and two lovely friends as witnesses. We didn’t bow to any potential external expectations, for many reasons. The result? A celebration that truly reflects us, our values, and what works best for both of us, second time around.

Ignoring our own boundaries and preferences would’ve only created stress, resentment, and exhaustion and nobody wants a grumpy bride or groom in the mix! Honestly, trying to organise and please everyone else would have sent me over the edge. Not getting married at all would’ve been the alternative, which wasn’t a solution either.

Doing what’s right for us - honouring our wellbeing, our choices, and our energy - is always the right thing to do, regardless of what anyone else might think or say.

Strengthen Self-Respect & Confidence

Every no you say is a vote for your own authority and internal guidance system. Over time, this builds confidence, self-respect, and trust in your instincts.

No longer are you a reactive participant in life, simply responding to everyone else’s agenda. You become proactive about your choices, selective with your energy, and, frankly, a lot more fun to be around. People love authenticity, even if it initially feels uncomfortable to dish it out. And I am a massive advocate for authenticity too!

Struggling to say no?

Try this: pause, ground yourself, and speak your truth with confidence. If you’d like personalised guidance on mastering boundaries, click here to schedule a free clarity call.

Educate Others About Your Boundaries

Here’s the subtle magic of a well-placed no: it teaches people how to treat you. If you never say no, others assume your energy is limitless. They learn nothing about respect or patience.

Remember that learning package?

The person unsubscribed from my email list after I politely declined the opportunity to work with them. While it could simply have been a general decision to unsubscribe from mailing lists, the timing suggested it was a direct response to my “no.”

Either way, it was their issue, not mine. I remained respectful, thoughtful, and aligned with my own priorities. My no didn’t harm them, it simply set a boundary, and, hopefully, offered a tiny lesson in accountability for how they approach others.

Interestingly, their response has also made me think twice about working with them in the future. The blatant unsubscribe has made me think more than twice about working with them in the future - which is something I had been planning to do. Trusting your gut is SO empowering - it shows you the way forward.

Freedom from FOMO & External Pressure

Modern life is relentless. FOMO, sales tactics, social “shoulds,” pressure from friends, family, colleagues, the list is endless. Boundaries act as a filter. Saying no to one thing means you’re free to say yes to what truly aligns with you.

The more you practise, the less power external pressures hold. You start making choices from a place of alignment, not anxiety.

Holistic & Energetic Benefits

Saying no literally clears space in your life. Energy that was previously diffused across obligations, distractions, and guilt can now flow toward what nourishes and inspires you.

Holistic approaches; coaching, journaling, meditation, Reiki, EFT etc can reinforce these boundaries internally. They help you step into alignment with your values without guilt, without second-guessing, and without that creeping “I really should…” anxiety.

Boundaries aren’t barriers, they’re bridges to clarity, confidence, and a life that truly belongs to you.

Backed by Research

67% of adults feel pressure to say yes: Based on surveys from workplace wellbeing studies, e.g., American Psychological Association, Stress in America Survey (2021).
80% of burnout cases linked to over-commitment: Maslach Burnout Inventory research, Maslach & Leiter, 2016.
People who set boundaries report up to 50% lower stress levels: Based on surveys and research cited in Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 2020.
Assertive communicators show higher confidence & stronger self-respect: Various NLP, coaching, and psychological studies (for example, Wilmot & Hocker, 2018, Interpersonal Conflict Research).