Turning Rage into Positive Action
I am not the type of person who gets mad, or cross, or easily upset; I generally view everything with positivity.
However, the other day, I got REALLY mad, REALLY cross and REALLY upset!!
Following an online networking event, I agreed to connect further with someone I met via Zoom. During that meeting, rather than the usual general chat that helps get to know each other / build rapport and relationships (and future business), I found myself rather unexpectedly being bombarded with questions about how I run my business, how I handle my marketing, and so on.
I was happy enough to answer the questions, but I noted immediately how my answers were being met with a bemused smile, as they clearly did NOT fit with the way he felt I ought to be operating generally.
I was beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable and cornered as he continued to grill me. At no time had I asked for a business consultation / review, and that is what this felt like in addition to be judged.
He then had the audacity to say that he’d done some research and could ‘see huge gaps’ (in what I don’t know) which was where he could be of help!
What the actual ****? (Can I use expletives in a blog post?!?)
Ridiculously, I found myself justifying the way I work to him, which then made me cross with myself.
This didn’t go unnoticed as he remarked, ‘I appear to have touched a nerve’, with another smug smile on his face!
I was FURIOUS and ended the meeting. I hadn’t invited him to help me or critique my business. And I didn’t even find out what he actually did for a living either! Building rapport is paramount to successfully relationships – it is NOT about forcing someone into submission by criticism.
I don’t usually write anything with a negative slant, however, this situation REALLY did make me very angry and upset me a lot at the time, and showing this side of me I feel is part of me demonstrating my authentic self.
I am a strong, heart-centred entrepreneur and businesswoman, and in all areas of my life, I love to support others to be the best person they can be so that they too can connect with their talents and passions, live their life on purpose and fulfil their potential.
I navigate my way through life using my instinct and intuition, and love learning more and connecting with like-minded people in both my personal and business life. As such, I don’t tend to follow strict guidelines or listen to what others think I should or should not be doing. If I want advice, I will ask for it and will implement what feels right.
Both my business life and personal life have successfully evolved this way. Sure, I’ve got stuff wrong and learned from it; I am working on really embracing and celebrating what I have got right. And in doing so, that includes not taking any ‘crap’ from uninvited sources. Let’s face it, would you accept someone inviting themselves around to your house, criticising your choice in wallpaper? No, you would not!
We all experience the world in different ways, our learning styles are different, and therefore, even if we are all in the same room at the same time, we will experience it in a different way to each other.
One size does not fit all.
Unfortunately, there are many people who need to pull you into their world to make them feel better about themselves. We can learn so much from each other when and if we desire to do so, however, it’s not about being forced into doing things their way. That’s called a dictatorship.
As a coach, my focus is supporting those I work with to find the answers for themselves from within. I help to facilitate my clients achieve their goals, plans and dreams. And I do what I can to help them to listen to their instincts and navigate using their intuition too.
This experience was the polar opposite to how I operate, hence me getting REALLY mad.
None of us have to accept behaviour from others that is uninvited, unwarranted and unacceptable; we can say no and walk away from it. If it seems difficult to do so, then that is related to our own behaviour, and it may take time to work through it so that we can react differently in the future.
Fortunately, I surround myself with great people and it has been a very long time since I have encountered behaviour from someone in this way.
Yes, he made me really mad, but I was also angry with myself for having agreed to a meeting where I felt cornered as a result of wanting to be generous with my time. My good nature had been well and truly taken advantage of – and this is what I need to change. In the future, I will be more direct when people I don’t know request a virtual meeting with me; that way, I can make an informed decision as to how much time I allocate in the first instance, if at all!
If I am to be gracious, he was clearly using old school sales techniques to create a need for his service by dismissing and criticising my business activities. I don’t like to judge or argue, however, we do have choices as to whom we engage with in all areas of our lives, and we can walk away.
I like to look for the learning and take the positives from all situations, so here are mine from this experience:
- Continue to only work with the best people and walk away from the others
- Question the reason behind meeting requests and accept or decline accordingly
- Set a timescale for the meeting and a desired outcome
- Trust your instinct and cancel in advance if it doesn’t feel right and isn’t going to be of benefit – your time is valuable
- Continue to let bad experiences go, and take the positives and the learning available
- Remain kind and non-judgemental, but don’t be a victim to energy vampires
More than anything, I think this experience is a good reminder for us all to walk away from situations that don’t serve us in any way, shape, or form!